Take Heed

Take heed society,
Change is coming.

You have oppressed for far too long.
The time is now here for you to
dance to the same tune.

If you can’t evolve with education,
you are of the losers.
Women shall no longer be silenced.

Change is coming,
Take heed society.

Why I wrote this:
I just finished watching India’s Daughter. I was so enraged with the labels that men put on women. When did we deserve this? Did we not birth and raise this world? I’m proud of women for standing up!

Who Would I Be?

For every moment that your actions
have squeezed my heart and had me
gasping for breath,
it was not only I who was hurting.
You were too.
As sure as the river carves
her way through the earths floor,
you have forgiven me plenty.
I have no right to not return the favor.

In the end, who would I be
without you?

 

Why I wrote this:
Friendships are continuous battles, you forgive, forget and move on to the next stupid thing.

For more poetry – visit the instagram page on the right column 🙂

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Change My Mind

You flooded into my life and caused all this commotion, turning my reality into a nightmare delusion. I wanted to be yours, with all my heart, body and soul. You became a priority I couldn’t compromise on. I wanted that and I went after it. I changed, I grew, I took a step forward. I purged my days of the unnecessary and vowed to always be there.

I dreamt of sky diving being beautiful with my eyes closed and finding strength in your fingers entwined with mine. I dreamt of bungee jumping being amazing with the sound of your heartbeat drowning out my fears. I dreamt of fast cars being out of this world with your easy chatter and illuminated eyes. But those are dreams that will just remain dreams.

For me, it’s you. You are my person. You will always be my person. I don’t doubt it. It’s almost scary how certain I am. No matter the difference, no matter the waves of pain – you are the peace in my life, the calm and the storm. There is no replacement. That is an ember I will bear.

But, with my heavy heart I know that I will never be your person, that is the cruel reality. And that kiss on the forehead which I thought meant you were coming home to me, bringing tears of joy to my eyes; now only brings choked sadness and realization that it only meant ‘goodbye’…

For what it’s worth, I’m in love with you. Completely.

I hope you find someone to love who loves you with the same intensity and ferocity that I do. That’s not enough for me, but it will have to do.

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Sharity

Since it is the blessed month of Ramadan and this topic seems befitting (I’m a Muslim, if you didn’t figure it out already :P) I just wanted to share some personal experiences with the hope that it will encourage you, to be more open about charity. Sadly, people close their hearts all year round except for times of celebration – where giving seems to have become a part of culture rather than a part of human nature.

“Charity, if you have the means, is a personal choice, but charity which is expected or compelled is simply a polite word for slavery.” ― Terry Goodkind

The initial thought of writing about this came across through a conversation with a friend. She was asking me how I managed to be involved in so many activities. And at that moment of time, I really had no clue on what she was going on about. My life really felt like I had a lot more time to give. Anyways, as far as life experiences go with sharity = sharing + charity.

As a child when I was on holiday in SL, mom used to make us walk the summer heat distributing food packages to the poor. Sometimes I used to wonder why half of them never used to just go and get jobs, rather preferring to hope that some passerby would feed them – then I grew up and realized that people are judgmental. Anyone, even with a minor disability, is not considered fit to work in our society. So they make their living by begging, somewhere they too have a family. Ever since then, the concept of giving has been there and I thank mom for that.

I have a friend who somehow never had this idea of giving. He thought beggars were smelly and a hindrance to society (don’t we all at some point!). He could actually walk by without a second thought. Until one day… He was hungry and had happened to buy some bananas, and while waiting for the bus, was munching on them. Anyhow, the bananas weren’t ripe enough, in annoyance; he left them on the bus bench and got up to catch the bus. As soon as he did that, a beggar came from behind and finished off the remaining bananas that he had discarded. He saw that and then he told me, “Did you see that beggar? I left those bananas there because they were not ripe and she ate them so fast not caring that they weren’t tasty. She must be so hungry and I didn’t even think twice about throwing them.”

Sometimes we don’t realize how fortunate we are until we see those less fortunate and we live in a society where those who are less fortunate are pushed to a side and made invisible, in return we too develop that blind eye.

“The bread in your cupboard belongs to the hungry man; the coat hanging unused in your closet belongs to the man who needs it; the shoes rotting in your closet belong to the man who has none; the money which you hoard in the bank belongs to the poor. You do wrong to everyone you could help, but fail to help.” – St. Basil the Great

Lately, with the whole Arab uprising going on, a friend and her friend decided to have a “Bake Sale for Syria”. She initially was telling me how there aren’t enough charity/volunteer opportunities in SL, especially for the youngsters. Just because of that, I’m so proud of her for making this happen. Though they had a lot to overcome with the location and what to make and how it was going to happen – they made it through. Lots of others volunteered to bring in pastries and what nots, a facebook page was created and from a meager 30 odd people, it grew to over 300 people. The event was a success and even after, people were still donating money, they totally raised beyond Rs. 10o,000. For two girls that started out with just an idea, that’s a lot to be happy about.

Sometimes all we need is the will to do something, to change something, to be something. Never underestimate the power of people. For every 9 that turn to look the other way, that 1 that passes on the message reaches out to 20 that respond positively.

“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.” – Helen Keller

In this Holy month of Ramadan, Muslims go rampant with flamboyant iftar parties, but the part I love most about Ramadan is the immergence of giving to those who have less than us. Local mosques that host iftar parties are over flowing with donations of food, and not a single thing goes wasted. There are so many who can’t afford to eat well yet work long hours under the burning sun. This is the month of rejoice for labourers. We had a campaign here – Iftar for laborers every Friday. The campaign was a thorough success. Though it was meant to feed the ladies camp of only 100, it not only fed them but 600 others in the nearby male labor camp, the donations were just that much.

Sometimes it’s really not about the money, it’s about the heart. Whatever you give from your heart automatically becomes enough even if it feels like it isn’t. Small efforts lead to big results. Don’t give because culture expects you to give, but give because you expect yourself to give.

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” ― Mother Teresa

There are numerous occasions all over the world where you find moments for sharity. Remember that there are poor people everywhere. Whenever I walk past a beggar, I have that immense sense of guilt, that I could have given him something. Many a time, I buy some fruit or bread and walk back the entire distance just so that I can have some peace of mind. When you give once and you experience that feeling of gratitude from someone who has nothing to give back but that, it’s a better high than anything get from any other illegal substance available. It is such a beautiful feeling that at some point, you don’t even have to think about it, that it just flows out of you. Be those people. Give. Giving is indeed what most of life is all about.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.” ― Sam Levenson

Despair & Infinity

I thought your teenage years were the most messed up years of your life, the years when you didn’t know who you were or who you wanted to be. I’ve left those years behind a couple of years ago. So why am I still so confused? Why am I still so scared?

I have friends, and I have close friends and a best friend – but it always feels like I’m pulling them in and pushing them out in double the speed. How is it that I still can’t trust anyone with myself? How is it that I’m still so insecure? How is it that I’m still so ashamed of myself? How is it that I still feel all alone in a world filled with people? Sometimes I feel like people don’t get me, sometimes I feel like I’m so superficial I’m not me anymore. I want to tell someone and have that sort of relationship with another person where it’s just you and your crazy, and it’s perfectly normal.

I want to be that girl with simple dreams and hopes with a big heart and a big smile. I want to dance in the street and sing outside my head. I want the sea breeze in my hair, the salty smell all around with my feet in the soft, wet sand. I want to paint and listen to the music of my choice – as loud as permitted. I want to be happy. I want to tell people my deepest fears without being judged. I want to tell my best friend my secrets in silence. I want to cry in peace and laugh when I feel like it for no reason at all. I want to love and be free and give everything of me to someone else without feeling like I’m not appreciated. I want to be stupid without being scared. I want to be someone’s go-to person with pride. I want to be perfectly imperfect. I want to learn and study, study and learn. I want to cook for people everyday without being used. I want to try new things within my sanity. I want to walk and walk and walk; by myself with my headphones, with my friends and their stories, with the person I love and entwined fingers. I want to travel to less exotic places and see exotic things. I want to be a great doctor, and if that doesn’t work out, I want to be a good doctor. I want to be able to play the drums with my eyes closed. I want to ride my own bike. I want to fall without bruises on my knees. I want to be enough for myself, for my parents, for my friends.

Someone significant told me I was in love 11 years ago. 11 years ago. It was a long time ago. A time when people hadn’t broken me, sarcasm hadn’t taken over my life and I was open to new things. Now just thinking that I might be still in love with that person scares me more than settling me. How can I still be in love with that person when I can’t even love myself? What if I’m just breaking my heart everyday for someone who only wants to see me cry? What if I can’t progress further than that foolish beginning of a relationship without the feeling of panic and suffocation overcoming me? How can he know for sure that I was in love when I couldn’t see it myself? Why am I still stuck at the crossroad of yes and no? What if this is just not the right time, and the right person will come at the wrong time? What if I never get married or have children? What if I do? Will I be me? Will I know me? Am I doing what I really love? Do I really want to be a doctor? Am I going to be happy doing this? Is this the life I envisioned for myself, or am I just running away as usual? What if I’m actually a Jack of All Trades, Master of None? When will all these questionable insecurities stop?

I want to be dependent with the choice of independence. I want someone to take care of me instead of me always being the one taking care of others. I want to dream of the possible and maybe the impossible. I want my self esteem to not crash every time someone says I’m not good enough. I want my skin to be thick so that even the slightest harsh words will bounce back without me flinching in pain. I want to be hard but soft. I want to stand up for what I believe in yet learn to compromise on things I can’t change. And most of all, I want to not be angry. I want to smile because I’m actually happy.

Rainbows and Butterflies

From the time we take our first breath to the time we take our last, we spend much of our life forming attachments. Somewhere in between it comes a huge tangled web of good, bad and ugly. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to make sense of it all, wondering why, reminiscing and sighing.

Truthfully though, did we really need to submit ourselves to a life of attachment? People leave and get replaced by new strings. We change, we grow and out grow. We begin to see things we didn’t notice before. And before we know it a whole new chapter is over once again. It’s time to start afresh.

We spend so much of our life on nuturing these bonds. What we don’t factor in is — everyone dies. We don’t know when or where or how, all we know is that it’s an inevitable fact of life. Our parents, our friends, our siblings, our first love, our last love, our children, our near, our dear, us.

So why do we not spend as much time and sacrifice on our attachment with God as we do with people and things that will ultimately prove to be useless when the time to answer questions arise? Have we really lost the ability to see the bigger picture?

At the end of the day we are a nation of brothers and sisters. We are one blood, one heart, one goal. We are born to have emotions and be there for each other. To make sacrifices, have dreams and live our lives. We can’t do it alone, can we?

I’m soon approaching that stage in my life where I will have to say bye to everything and everyone and start again. I’ve created so many attachments in my almost quarter-century that I don’t know where to start letting go. I don’t know if I can make it without them. I don’t know if life will mean anything if they are not there to share it with.

I will miss them, their presence and guidance. The gifts that came late but made it safely anyhow. The cards filled with laughter and good cheer. The leftover ticket stubs of concerts, late-night movies and restaurant openings. The memories embedded in my mind that will last until they too slowly begin to fade.

However, I’ve started to move closer to someone who will never let me down, who will always know what is better for me when nothing seems to be going the way I want, who will have the patience to deal with my bad days and instill that same peace within me. Someone who will never judge, never compare. He will carry me through.

I’m tired of the bad decisions, the heart ache, the unwarranted tears, the sacrifices of no avail. When the pages turn, I want to be sure. Sure that I’m done with the past and ready to step into the future. To step into the world of adults and adult decisions. To wake up and go to work every morning. To get married and have children and “settle down”.

That’s such a scary word. And a whole new set of attachments. I just desire freedom. Freedom from the scary thoughts in my head; from the world waiting to eat me alive; from the pressures of society; from the wild tongues that run rampant and ruin lives. Freedom to fall; to get dirty; to make mistakes; to fly into obstacles…all to end up standing on my own.

Thankfully,it looks like it’s not just me but others stuck in this period of answerless question. We question our life dreams and the path we have chosen to fulfill them. We question our life partner, are we ready. We question our sacrifices of self for work, relationships and stepping out of our childhood.

Oh God! Forgive me for my years of neglect and carry me through. Take away this hesitency in my heart and fill it with peace.