Years pass by like a strong breeze
howling across the rough seas
Patch every broken part
Of my weak heart
Cleanse my scattered mind
Of every memory that binds
Me to you.
Second hands like lovers
Turn the minute into hours
Sail another adventure
Without any sense of danger
Ripping apart with intensity
Those threads that entice
Me to you.
Spring turns into summer
Into autumn, into wilted flowers
Am back at the start
With a barely beating heart
Forgotten how to breathe
Standing on the bridge that leads
Me to you.
No measure of charred embers
Will cease reminiscing in December
Your face, your voice
Your scent, your noise
My person gloriously tattooed
Laments that I have to let go
2017 could not have come any sooner. 2016 ahhh, was not a year of firsts anymore. It was a year that I wanted over from the moment it started and now it’s gone. Thank the heavens for that!
2016 was a year that I traveled outside the UK into Europe and Africa for the first time ever. Those were exciting days. I soaked myself in those moments, but deep down, my heart was in a dark place. My heart remained in a dark place and dragged my head down with it. Every time I took a breath out a small part of my soul left with it. So last year, I had no power to stop myself, I just let myself grieve. And I must say that I’m so very very grateful for my friends, new and old – my family that keeps growing; for pulling me through. It was a year where I had to make a difficult career choice so that I could go on to achieve my 5 year goals.
It was also a year where some of the loveliest couples I knew got married, and I wish them a world of happiness through all the hardship they took to get there. I couldn’t be more excited for you!
I’m ready for this year. To get on with things head strong, to travel with my heart free, to look forward instead of looking back, to focusing on what is instead of what if. The year I can finally begin again, awaken my dead bones, and restart my heartbeat. I hope this year will be our saving grace where we get in touch with ourselves and regain our humanity. Let us not forget those who need us, stuck in situations beyond their control, in poverty and war-striken regions around the world. May we all hope to make a small difference in our lifetimes.
I shall leave you with that and some lovely words from Ms Leav.
With love, always,
I see snow covered mountain peaks
peeping over peppering clouds,
the rugged land below
enjoying the perils of sunlight.
I see the sea weaving
along the shoreline, silently
and clusters of white
forming villages, towns, cities, capitals.
I see the harnessing of wind
to create energy for the masses,
life being lived gloriously
from the wings that carry me home.
Alas, I brave the journey
in the light of day!
It was a love
like unwanted pennies.
the velvet guitar case;
of a street musician.
that didn’t belong;
Fresh mountain air.
Tainted desert sands.
Eyes that hide secrets.
A smile that ignites fire.
Words so constant.
Actions of the subtlest nature.
I-miss-you never aloud.
Lace against body.
Sweet chemical combustion.
Heart in shards.
Thousand glittering pieces.
Ghosts of my mind.
Passion slow to diffuse.
Take me back.
Be my lover and my demon.
Don’t leave me like this.
Holding my breath.
I hope the memoirs in your box have gotten rusty,
while the memories in my mind remain vibrant;
filled with hello goodbyes, joy and eternal highs.
As the time has now come to an end,
we have gone from strangers to friends and back, a complete circle of life;
once doused in color, all burnt out.
The air has gotten thicker and the oxygen concentration
has dropped since you walked away;
making it harder to breathe, but it won’t conquer me.
It’s not that I ever wanted to live without you,
I just had no say in it;
please remain safe junkie, may the world always be your oyster.
The distance grows yet the world gets smaller,
and while the jagged dagger causes chaos in my heart;
I wish you peace in yours and the infinite silence of demons.
May you forever live buried in the depths of my being,
as the light in your eyes, your quirky smile and fierce heart;
resonates through me.
To us, to yesterday, to never after.
He had always been mine and I his.
For years we kept up this façade
of hiding behind ‘NO’
but in our hearts laid great
tenderness for the other.
Until the secrets weighed too heavily;
the masks dropped
and fragile hearts shattered.
I wanted for us to be
of those that
But all that happened,
was us traveling further away
from each other.
Dear loved ones,
It’s the dawn of a new year. And as every new year starts I’d like to reflect on the past year just a little bit.
2015 was overall a great year! It started off with friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and having them around gave my heart so much peace. It was the year where I started my first job and got my first salary. It was a year of many firsts in that aspect. I gave my first qurban, I lost my first baby (at work, not my own), I traveled with my own money, I sorted out my taxes, I used my amazon account, etc etc. Small but big victories none-the-less.
It was a year where friendships were strengthened. Where those who were there for me shined through my darkest days. It was a year where I got way too many birthday gifts. I’m not complaining. And I’ve now got a wall of cards.
A year of travel which will hopefully pass onto the new year. Big whoop for all of you who hosted me and who I hosted. Hope to see you again 😀
2015 was also a year I lost someone close to me. And being honest, it still very much feels like a huge hole in my life. It’s an ache that refuses to go away or be ignored. It has also been a year where I’ve appreciated my mother a lot for her support.
But it was a year of beautiful beautiful memories and daily inspiration in random places – so I say thank you to everyone for being with me this year. For the love, the friendship, the closeness, the wisdom and very much for believing in me when I lost sight of myself.
And I’ll leave you with these words I found this morning
Real love is neither kind nor gentle, and does not award itself to the cowardly or the meek. Love is beholden only to the brave and the bold. Those who are prepared to break bone and bleed for it, to go on fighting without reason or hope.
While we are still learning
new things about each other,
somewhere there is
this strange depth.
Where she understands
the wreck my heart is in,
and hates like it is
her own personal pain.
Where she is
slowly doing what she can
to make each beat
a little bit more bearable.