Tag Archives: religion

Rainbows and Butterflies

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From the time we take our first breath to the time we take our last, we spend much of our life forming attachments. Somewhere in between it comes a huge tangled web of good, bad and ugly. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to make sense of it all, wondering why, reminiscing and sighing.

Truthfully though, did we really need to submit ourselves to a life of attachment? People leave and get replaced by new strings. We change, we grow and out grow. We begin to see things we didn’t notice before. And before we know it a whole new chapter is over once again. It’s time to start afresh.

We spend so much of our life on nuturing these bonds. What we don’t factor in is — everyone dies. We don’t know when or where or how, all we know is that it’s an inevitable fact of life. Our parents, our friends, our siblings, our first love, our last love, our children, our near, our dear, us.

So why do we not spend as much time and sacrifice on our attachment with God as we do with people and things that will ultimately prove to be useless when the time to answer questions arise? Have we really lost the ability to see the bigger picture?

At the end of the day we are a nation of brothers and sisters. We are one blood, one heart, one goal. We are born to have emotions and be there for each other. To make sacrifices, have dreams and live our lives. We can’t do it alone, can we?

I’m soon approaching that stage in my life where I will have to say bye to everything and everyone and start again. I’ve created so many attachments in my almost quarter-century that I don’t know where to start letting go. I don’t know if I can make it without them. I don’t know if life will mean anything if they are not there to share it with.

I will miss them, their presence and guidance. The gifts that came late but made it safely anyhow. The cards filled with laughter and good cheer. The leftover ticket stubs of concerts, late-night movies and restaurant openings. The memories embedded in my mind that will last until they too slowly begin to fade.

However, I’ve started to move closer to someone who will never let me down, who will always know what is better for me when nothing seems to be going the way I want, who will have the patience to deal with my bad days and instill that same peace within me. Someone who will never judge, never compare. He will carry me through.

I’m tired of the bad decisions, the heart ache, the unwarranted tears, the sacrifices of no avail. When the pages turn, I want to be sure. Sure that I’m done with the past and ready to step into the future. To step into the world of adults and adult decisions. To wake up and go to work every morning. To get married and have children and “settle down”.

That’s such a scary word. And a whole new set of attachments. I just desire freedom. Freedom from the scary thoughts in my head; from the world waiting to eat me alive; from the pressures of society; from the wild tongues that run rampant and ruin lives. Freedom to fall; to get dirty; to make mistakes; to fly into obstacles…all to end up standing on my own.

Thankfully,it looks like it’s not just me but others stuck in this period of answerless question. We question our life dreams and the path we have chosen to fulfill them. We question our life partner, are we ready. We question our sacrifices of self for work, relationships and stepping out of our childhood.

Oh God! Forgive me for my years of neglect and carry me through. Take away this hesitency in my heart and fill it with peace.

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Dear Diary…

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Dear 28-year-old me,

Heyy, how you been doing? I’m sure you must be busy, but I hope you are taking time to do things that help you relax and be stress-free as well. Don’t ever forget how you felt when you were painting, reading, swimming or just dancing with loud music and the lights off.

I hope you are done studying (finally!) and have a job doing something that you love, whatever you set your mind to do, because that’s the only way you are going to change the world and be happy at the same time. I expect that whatever you chose is super interesting and challenges the hell out of you. Don’t forget to get some sleep in-between being awesome, you can always get up tomorrow and start again.

I trust that you got your fairytale ending. If you haven’t, get cracking, it’s high time! I hope he makes you happy, makes you feel like you come before him, always. I hope he buys you books instead of flowers for special occasions and makes you laugh every day. I hope he’s handsome, has good iman and guides you in the right path with every decision that he makes. I trust that he is dependable, any time of the day. I wish he helps around in the house and can make a few really delicious dishes, don’t misuse that privilege though. I hope his smile makes you fall in love with him all over again every time. And most of all, I hope that you both want the same things in life and keep that respect of one another even if temperatures run too high.

I wonder if you’ll have kids by now, but knowing mom, I’m sure you will. At least 1, if not 2. Don’t go more than 4, that’s pushing your luck. I expect they are beautiful and cheeky, I really wouldn’t expect anything else. Have patience with them, and lots of love. Introduce them to Allah as early as you can. He has been your savior, and will be theirs too. Don’t spoil them, that’s for others to do. Never hold back on loving them ever. Encourage them to be great, keep your vicious tongue in check around them. And I hope you don’t miss important milestones because you’ve been away at work. Remember that family always comes first, next to Allah.

I want to believe that by now you would have let go of all that anger you have inside you and focus on the good things in life – Allah, parents, spouse, children and friends. Don’t ever let go of those friends who have been with you and have picked you up and held your hand through times of sadness, stupidity and fear. I expect that you are much nicer currently, take better care of yourself as of those around you, and have much better iman. I sincerely pray you have learnt to drive more than a go-kart too.

One last thing, don’t let mom push you away. Even though she can be the worst kind of annoying, remember she gave up much for you and raised you to be better than her. What she says and what’s in her heart are two totally different things. Call her often. Take her advice. Send her little gifts. And don’t take NO for an answer. Be in touch with dad too. Make sure they always have enough money and surprise them with little vacations to different parts of the world whenever you can afford it. They have never said no to you, so don’t use it on them. Give them everything they need and more. Mostly, give them love.

Alright busy bee that I know you are. Be good. Smile more often and make sure the lines on your face are nothing but laugh lines. Remember that Allah will get you through it if he puts you in it. Have some faith. I have taken care of the fun part, now you take care of the grown-up part. Wear your hijab with pride.

I love you, oldie.

Regards,
Your 22-year-old self 😀