Tag Archives: freedom

Rainbows and Butterflies

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From the time we take our first breath to the time we take our last, we spend much of our life forming attachments. Somewhere in between it comes a huge tangled web of good, bad and ugly. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to make sense of it all, wondering why, reminiscing and sighing.

Truthfully though, did we really need to submit ourselves to a life of attachment? People leave and get replaced by new strings. We change, we grow and out grow. We begin to see things we didn’t notice before. And before we know it a whole new chapter is over once again. It’s time to start afresh.

We spend so much of our life on nuturing these bonds. What we don’t factor in is — everyone dies. We don’t know when or where or how, all we know is that it’s an inevitable fact of life. Our parents, our friends, our siblings, our first love, our last love, our children, our near, our dear, us.

So why do we not spend as much time and sacrifice on our attachment with God as we do with people and things that will ultimately prove to be useless when the time to answer questions arise? Have we really lost the ability to see the bigger picture?

At the end of the day we are a nation of brothers and sisters. We are one blood, one heart, one goal. We are born to have emotions and be there for each other. To make sacrifices, have dreams and live our lives. We can’t do it alone, can we?

I’m soon approaching that stage in my life where I will have to say bye to everything and everyone and start again. I’ve created so many attachments in my almost quarter-century that I don’t know where to start letting go. I don’t know if I can make it without them. I don’t know if life will mean anything if they are not there to share it with.

I will miss them, their presence and guidance. The gifts that came late but made it safely anyhow. The cards filled with laughter and good cheer. The leftover ticket stubs of concerts, late-night movies and restaurant openings. The memories embedded in my mind that will last until they too slowly begin to fade.

However, I’ve started to move closer to someone who will never let me down, who will always know what is better for me when nothing seems to be going the way I want, who will have the patience to deal with my bad days and instill that same peace within me. Someone who will never judge, never compare. He will carry me through.

I’m tired of the bad decisions, the heart ache, the unwarranted tears, the sacrifices of no avail. When the pages turn, I want to be sure. Sure that I’m done with the past and ready to step into the future. To step into the world of adults and adult decisions. To wake up and go to work every morning. To get married and have children and “settle down”.

That’s such a scary word. And a whole new set of attachments. I just desire freedom. Freedom from the scary thoughts in my head; from the world waiting to eat me alive; from the pressures of society; from the wild tongues that run rampant and ruin lives. Freedom to fall; to get dirty; to make mistakes; to fly into obstacles…all to end up standing on my own.

Thankfully,it looks like it’s not just me but others stuck in this period of answerless question. We question our life dreams and the path we have chosen to fulfill them. We question our life partner, are we ready. We question our sacrifices of self for work, relationships and stepping out of our childhood.

Oh God! Forgive me for my years of neglect and carry me through. Take away this hesitency in my heart and fill it with peace.

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Super Human

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Somewhere in our life we meet someone who has so much gravitational pull that we are attracted to them with so much force that it’s much easier to give in than to fight it. And once we are sucked in, it’s even more difficult to get out.

It’s true what they say – “It hurts when the one you love, doesn’t love you back”. I know it’s true. The worst thing about emotions is that you can’t run away from them. No matter how much you suppress them, no matter how much you distract yourself, it will find a way to creep up on you.

You keep saying to yourself – “we’ll just be friends”, but you know in your heart that every time you think about that person, it’s not friendship that you are thinking about. By then you are in so deep, that you can’t even see the sunshine anymore.

Attraction is deadly. It suffocates you and fills your head with fantasies. You begin to care, and care, and care, and care like it’s an obsession. A dangerous one at that. Once you realize that you need space before you go crazy, it’s too late. You regret giving your heart, your trust, your everything.

You can’t be in that persons company either because you can’t stand to see that person with someone else or because they overwhelm you beyond your control. You want to be set free, and stop playing this game where your heart and mind are at war.

Only you can do that. Only you can set yourself free. I know the right way is to just stop. Stop being friends, stop talking, stop looking, stop thinking. Trust me, it’s harder done than said. I’ve been telling myself this for years. But I haven’t given up hope yet. One day I know I’ll be free.

I’ll be free from those fantasies in my head and be living in the present. I’ll be free from this conflict in my heart that’s taking over my life. I’ll be free from torturing myself and loving someone that only brings me heartache and tears than I care to admit.

It’s hard; in fact it’s like sucking all the oxygen out of your air. But I’ll make it through. Slowly and surely. The media says we have soul mates, all those music videos, all those movies, all those serials; but I stopped believing that a while ago. Actually, I stopped believing in their version of soul mates.

A close friend of mine reopened my eyes to the true meaning of soul mates. It’s not someone who was predetermined for you. Instead, it’s a person you can’t live without, and who equally can’t live without you – an understanding and commitment between two people.

Thus, if someone you love can live without you, that person already isn’t meant to be with you until death do you apart. I think there are lots of people we can get along with, and there are some people that we definitely can’t get along with, sometimes right from the start, sometimes in between.

We all deserve to be loved. Why would we want to live a life without that by choice? Or in hope that the one we love will love us back – when we can always find someone who we love and who will love us back too. I’m sure I’ll find someone and you will too. It’s a small world after all.

Being in love is a wonderful feeling, until it’s not. Couples fight, that’s normal, and they still stay together because the love is there. Else it’ll breakdown before you can even blink your eye. Love is not easy, but it’s not difficult either.

Give yourself a chance to feel the freedom that love can offer you, and the strength, the courage, the peace. It’s difficult to let go, but it’s not worth holding on to the pain. Let go. Let go. Let go. Let go.

You’re Not Going To Get Us…

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We were young, and we thought the world of our parents and older siblings, until… puberty hit. We then started to think the world of ourselves. We didn’t listen to what our parents told us, thinking that we knew better. Neither did we give a thought to the gentle advice passed on by our siblings or even our once favorite teachers. We rebelled, and we rebelled bad.

We flew our own flag, fought for our rights, made merry, let our hormones run wild, and eventually we burned out. Right? I’ve been through it. Almost every teenager has. Yes, it’s almost everyone, not everyone. I’m sure there’s just that one kid in your class that still has everything together. That person is just special, for now anyways.

It’s crazy though when you think back about those days, that you rebelled for things that seem so small now. Lost friends over them, lost trust over them, lost respect over them, lost yourself. And it’s difficult to do, but it must be said: Choose your battles wisely. We feel invincible because we don’t see it through, so think it through thoroughly before you make a huge mistake.

Every time I see someone in their teens, even when I was a teen with crazy tats all over the place, piercings everywhere possible, raggedly clothes, chain smoking and eventually passed out on the floor from over alcohol consumption, I wonder what their mothers would say, or if they even have one. No mother would allow their children to behave like that. Ever.

Rebellion starts through peer pressure. Each parent is different, and they are doing the best they know to raise you to be assets to the future. They have unique ideas on how they want their children to be, and hence impose upon you restrictions which they feel will mar your progress in that direction. They all want what’s in your best interest; don’t shoot them down like this.

Sometimes, I’ll agree that our parents are pushy, over-bearing, nosy, etc etc. I have one just like that. I used to be so annoyed with all the classes she put me for; I never used to have a moment to myself to do something I liked, or just to hang out with my friends. But being busy all the time got me ahead, lead me to be versatile.

Sure I’ve had my share of problems from the opposite sex that got me into trouble with the folks at home, but I’d like to think that apart from that, I’m pretty okay. I’m getting through university quite well, I’m involved in activities, and I have time to do the things I like. Most of all, I’m not a boring personality. I’m cultured, and I like that.

My story on rebellion was for my freedom. I just didn’t have the chances to go out like other girls I knew. Peer pressure in a way. I could never do sleepovers, or even just visit friends at home, even if it was a birthday party and it was all girls. I could go out to the mall or park, but you know, that does get boring eventually. Curfew was sunset.

Being so busy with all my extra-curricula’s made it slightly difficult too. I had my share of arguments with my mother over why I couldn’t go over to friends place, and I always lost. I got more into myself, kept to my room, and loved the internet and the silence that came with it. The first chance I got, I took off. I packed my bags and went to college. I never regretted that choice.

I love my freedom, to do what I want and when and however I choose to do it. I don’t know if it’s in my star or it’s inbuilt or it’s because I never had it when I was young, I really don’t know. But I value my freedom, and I wouldn’t make any decision to compromise it. Therefore, if you are going to rebel against your parents for something, make sure it’s worthwhile.

Materialistic things are not worthy to lose everything you have over. You may not realize that now. You feel untouchable, that you don’t need anyone; you can do it on your own. It’s an illusion your hormones have built around you. Don’t give into them. Foolish choices don’t lead to a bright future, so make smart ones.

Take responsibility for yourself. Just because you are a teenager, doesn’t mean you are all grown up. You don’t know anything. You may think you are in love. You may think that person is your friend. You may think so many things, but you aren’t thinking clearly. You may think you are. Don’t act like something you aren’t, it only reflects badly upon you. Take the advice, others have to give. They only tell you because they have been through it too.

It Ends Tonight.

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For the longest part of my teenage years I’ve been running. Well not literally. I’ve been running away from my family, from myself, from my life. I was fighting for the freedom I wanted so desperately. For the right to grow as an individual of my own accord. But what I didn’t see in my renegade, was that I was growing. Exactly how I wanted.

Now I see myself as a woman I’m proud of. Someone who is fiercely independent in her own right, not afraid to stand up for what she believes in but someone who still needs to reach out for support once in a while. A person who has changed over the years, though it may not be a complete makeover, but one who has improved. I feel it, even if you can’t see it.

Back then, I realize, I wasn’t ready to live my life. I’m slowly getting my freedom, and for that I’m happy. You see, I wanted the freedom to go out when ever I wanted, no rules, no restrictions. I wanted to be with friends all the time. I just wanted to escape when the going got tough, but escaping never made life better. Facing it did.

Now I’m satisfied being at home, being alone. I know I don’t need to be with people all the time. I cherish my freedom to solitude. It is my biggest inspiration. Not that I’m a loner or anything, I do have a treasured set of friends who are my biggest fans, and of whom I’m big fans. They warm my heart and touch my soul. I’m glad to be their friend.

My parents have always encouraged me to have an open mind. To think for myself, not to base judgement on the opinions of others. For that I’m deeply grateful. However, one of my greatest discoveries of life is this. Remember that glass that alot of people love to talk about, the half full/half empty one. It’s neither. It’s always full.

Let me explain. The glass has either water or air in it, but no one seems to take it that it may also have both. When you have a ‘half full/half empty’ glass, it just has equal parts of both air and water in it. Some just see the air, and some see the water, but do you ever see both?

There is no such thing as a pessimist, nor is there anything as an optimist. There are those who want more, and there are those who are just content with what they have. It’s not bad to be either. But it depends on what one is going to do about it. Are you going to go and fill the rest of the glass, or are you going to settle and be content?

We, as a human race, do have choices. Sometimes we can’t see the choices, or sometimes that choice is just not feasible. We may not always like it, but we always have one. I know I’ve not always made the best choices in my life, however I don’t regret my past. There have been times where I haven’t learnt from my past, but those odds are reducing.

I love the sun, because I know there is a child somewhere who is so cold, that he might pass on due to hypothermia. And I love the rain, because it always brings a promise of a rainbow, at the end of which one might find a pot of gold. I love smiles, because they are infectious; and I love a frown, because it proves life is not perfect.

I am content with my life, yet I want more. Not more wealth, nor more happiness. I want more. More memories. Happy and sad, joyous and painful. I want to lead a full life. And everytime I reach a milestone in my life, I want to be able to say, ” Yes, If I died tomorrow, I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do. I’m content.”

I am fortunate. Not because I have clothes to wear, or food eat. Nor is it because I can afford to have simple luxuries. It is because I have a life. The rich are not always happy, nor are the poor always sad. True, there are starving, sick people in various parts of the world and we may think them less fortunate. How wrong.

There are poor who are content with their lives, and there are those who hope for more, and ofcourse there are those who have lost hope. There are the rich who are content, there are those who strive for more for charitable reasons, and those who strive more for personal gain. Who of these six do you think deserve sympathy? Well that’s for you to decide.

“When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?” -G.K. Chesterton

So what are you going to do about your life? Are you going to sit back and be content with what life is going to deal you or are you going to take charge and make the most of what you want out of it? Are you going to fill the glass or drain it? Are you going to dream? Hope? Pray? Live? I hope you do.

See the beauty that life gives you. Don’t forget to also see the sadness life deals out. Spread the love. Share the darkness. No regrets. No guilt. Fly. Die and be reborn. Be a better person. Grow. Hold anothers hand. Go towards the light. Believe. Reach for a star. Bring peace and serenity. Give and take.

Don’t be the person who didnt tell a loved one often enough that they were loved. Don’t be the one who left a dear friend to stand in the rain, cold and starving. Don’t be the man who passed the ragged beggar without compassion. Don’t be the individual who didn’t share hugs with a child. Give life exactly what you want life to give back to you.

Be thankful. I am. If you have nothing to be thankful, it’s a sign that you are not giving life a chance to prove itself. So give it a chance. Don’t be so harsh. Look around. Go and create your smile, and you’ll see that if you smile at life, it will shower smiles back at you. Life is life. It is everything you make of it.

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” -Meister Eckhart

[For all those who give thanks]