So watch me
as I devour your lips
taste all your
sweet sweet lies.
For every moment that your actions
have squeezed my heart and had me
gasping for breath,
it was not only I who was hurting.
You were too.
As sure as the river carves
her way through the earths floor,
you have forgiven me plenty.
I have no right to not return the favor.
In the end, who would I be
Why I wrote this:
Friendships are continuous battles, you forgive, forget and move on to the next stupid thing.
For more poetry – visit the instagram page on the right column 🙂
You forced yourself into my life,
And made a home in my heart.
I wasn’t graceful either,
Just tumbling down the rabbit hole.
Now that you are staying,
We have our moments of push and pull.
It’s what we’ve been doing since go,
Yet I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The distance might be hurtful,
But it’s so perfect for this twisted love.
It makes the moments of anger, flashes;
with forgiveness quick to follow.
And out of the burnt ruins,
comes bright lights that won’t give up.
Rays that never fail to lead me,
straight home, into your arms.
Why I wrote this:
It’s mentally stressful, but this friendship is worth all the ruins of Pompeii.
I know you are watching me,
You think I’m naive and unaware,
I see you sometimes so subtly,
From the corner of your eyes.
They follow me everywhere,
Those deep pools of dark cocoa,
Them that light up my sky,
And twinkle with love and lies.
Until they turn to black stones,
That’s when my heart turns cold,
And fear runs down my spine,
From the malice you can’t disguise.
Why I wrote this:
Those rear-view mirror moments.
And while you are a thirsty tornado
on the verge of wrecking
You should know it’s merely a beauty
because it fell in love with
your disaster path.
Why I wrote this:
In response to a close friend sending me one those photo quotes – it’s in my January low-down. 😉
As Salaam Wa Alaikum!
Today, I’m not writing a personal blog post… I’m reaching out, not only to the muslim ummah but to humanity. For me, this year has personally been great – yet it has been a terrible year for humanity. And as a person who feels things so deeply, I can’t just stand by as my heart is breaking for all those suffering around the world.
A quick google had me amazed, we’ve had over 200 terrorist incidents this year alone, the year isn’t over… Of those, almost 90% were by allegedly “Islamist” militant groups, such as the Taliban, Boko Haram, ISIS, etc; claiming to put things in order, misusing the word Jihad for their own agendas, giving the most peaceful religion a name it doesn’t deserve. I may not know everything about Islam, but I know enough to understand the difference of it’s true teachings and secular, cultural beliefs of those who don’t. I know that a religion that clearly states “Whosoever kills an innocent human being, it shall be as if he has killed all of mankind, and whosoever saves the life of one, it shall be as if he has saved the life of all of mankind.” (Al-Quran 5:32) doesn’t really condone all these murders or bombings or ridiculous suicide missions. *Note that it doesn’t say Muslims, it says human beings.
To my ummah who is suffering greatly under all this negative media – stay strong. Allah is with us and He says, “Verily, with every hardship comes ease.” (Al-Quran 94:6) I know it’s hard my brothers and sisters to lose the ones you love, your parents, spouses or children – but this world is temporary and we are never really sure of what Allah has written for us, that we will all eventually meet in Jannah. We can only pray that He takes us when we are cleansed of our sins and He is happy with us. Be steadfast in your prayers and continue to seek forgiveness for ourselves, our ummah and for those who are misguided. “Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Al-Quran 13:28) Find out the truth, don’t be discouraged with what these militant groups claim Islam to be. Don’t be angry, be informed. Our ummah is suffering due to lack of knowledge. We must ensure that the generation coming will not be the same – “Seeking of knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim” (Al-Tirmidhi #74). I don’t know what the answer to end all this suffering is, but I know it’s not revenge, it’s not honor killing, or anything else radical that will help, it’s mercy.
My beloved brothers and sisters, let us not point fingers at others, but at ourselves, for letting things get this far that lives of innocent children are lost. We are all human and we all have faults, but instead of picking on others faults, we should be encouraging them to be better Muslims, we should be open and understanding that we are not in a position to judge others, only ourselves. “Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the ignorant.” (Al-Quran 7:199) Instead of fighting with each other due to our cultural differences, we should be uniting because of our religious similarities. We are #oneMuslim #oneUmmah #oneWorld. We should work towards bettering ourselves so that our ummah has wonderful people to turn when in trouble. Let us strive to be better Muslims, to be better humans, to be more tolerant of others, to let go of all the hate within ourselves and to be more forgiving and more merciful. “Indeed, the help of Allah is near.” (Al-Quran 2:214) May our ummah have patience and solidarity till it comes.
Prayers going out to the lives and dreams lost in:
I thought your teenage years were the most messed up years of your life, the years when you didn’t know who you were or who you wanted to be. I’ve left those years behind a couple of years ago. So why am I still so confused? Why am I still so scared?
I have friends, and I have close friends and a best friend – but it always feels like I’m pulling them in and pushing them out in double the speed. How is it that I still can’t trust anyone with myself? How is it that I’m still so insecure? How is it that I’m still so ashamed of myself? How is it that I still feel all alone in a world filled with people? Sometimes I feel like people don’t get me, sometimes I feel like I’m so superficial I’m not me anymore. I want to tell someone and have that sort of relationship with another person where it’s just you and your crazy, and it’s perfectly normal.
I want to be that girl with simple dreams and hopes with a big heart and a big smile. I want to dance in the street and sing outside my head. I want the sea breeze in my hair, the salty smell all around with my feet in the soft, wet sand. I want to paint and listen to the music of my choice – as loud as permitted. I want to be happy. I want to tell people my deepest fears without being judged. I want to tell my best friend my secrets in silence. I want to cry in peace and laugh when I feel like it for no reason at all. I want to love and be free and give everything of me to someone else without feeling like I’m not appreciated. I want to be stupid without being scared. I want to be someone’s go-to person with pride. I want to be perfectly imperfect. I want to learn and study, study and learn. I want to cook for people everyday without being used. I want to try new things within my sanity. I want to walk and walk and walk; by myself with my headphones, with my friends and their stories, with the person I love and entwined fingers. I want to travel to less exotic places and see exotic things. I want to be a great doctor, and if that doesn’t work out, I want to be a good doctor. I want to be able to play the drums with my eyes closed. I want to ride my own bike. I want to fall without bruises on my knees. I want to be enough for myself, for my parents, for my friends.
Someone significant told me I was in love 11 years ago. 11 years ago. It was a long time ago. A time when people hadn’t broken me, sarcasm hadn’t taken over my life and I was open to new things. Now just thinking that I might be still in love with that person scares me more than settling me. How can I still be in love with that person when I can’t even love myself? What if I’m just breaking my heart everyday for someone who only wants to see me cry? What if I can’t progress further than that foolish beginning of a relationship without the feeling of panic and suffocation overcoming me? How can he know for sure that I was in love when I couldn’t see it myself? Why am I still stuck at the crossroad of yes and no? What if this is just not the right time, and the right person will come at the wrong time? What if I never get married or have children? What if I do? Will I be me? Will I know me? Am I doing what I really love? Do I really want to be a doctor? Am I going to be happy doing this? Is this the life I envisioned for myself, or am I just running away as usual? What if I’m actually a Jack of All Trades, Master of None? When will all these questionable insecurities stop?
I want to be dependent with the choice of independence. I want someone to take care of me instead of me always being the one taking care of others. I want to dream of the possible and maybe the impossible. I want my self esteem to not crash every time someone says I’m not good enough. I want my skin to be thick so that even the slightest harsh words will bounce back without me flinching in pain. I want to be hard but soft. I want to stand up for what I believe in yet learn to compromise on things I can’t change. And most of all, I want to not be angry. I want to smile because I’m actually happy.
I was beautiful,
I am not anymore.
My flowers are wilting,
and my trees are dying.
My breath is polluted.
Darkness is taking over,
spreading its virus through the human race.
They have this exceptional ability,
to destroy my livelihood.
Love, happiness, smiles and hugs.
I look around, all I see are,
tears, frowns, and blood thirsty anger.
Enough to crush me,
crush me slowly and painfully.
Too harsh to even try and recover.
I hate to see this happening,
but I realize it’s a pointless war.
I’m too tired.
I’m just going to let it overwhelm me.
She sat at the bottom of the staircase, alone;
her face hollow, her eyes swollen with unborn tears,
waiting, ever so patiently to rush out like a raging river.
The anger within, surging beyond
her control, was ripping her
like a tiger and his prey.
No one saw her, no one cared.
Helpless, with no comforting shoulder,
the pain inside was so strong, so controlling,
killing her instead of making her stronger.
She was scared and invisible,
crying out to the world,
but not a soul heard her.
No one reached out, no one cared.
So tired, she let out her tears,
and they flooded the floor,
but the pain still remained
like a flame out of control.
Her anger lashed out
as she destroyed all in her path,
No one bothered, no one cared.
So pained, she gave up hope,
and ever so slowly she faded away.
As they buried her in the valley
where the sun doesn’t rise,
no one came to say their last goodbyes.
And even after she was dead and gone
No one cared for the departed one.