I hope the memoirs in your box have gotten rusty,
while the memories in my mind remain vibrant;
filled with hello goodbyes, joy and eternal highs.
As the time has now come to an end,
we have gone from strangers to friends and back, a complete circle of life;
once doused in color, all burnt out.
The air has gotten thicker and the oxygen concentration
has dropped since you walked away;
making it harder to breathe, but it won’t conquer me.
It’s not that I ever wanted to live without you,
I just had no say in it;
please remain safe junkie, may the world always be your oyster.
The distance grows yet the world gets smaller,
and while the jagged dagger causes chaos in my heart;
I wish you peace in yours and the infinite silence of demons.
May you forever live buried in the depths of my being,
as the light in your eyes, your quirky smile and fierce heart;
resonates through me.
To us, to yesterday, to never after.
The air is filled with all my neurosis
at losing the people most precious.
These demons just won’t let it rest,
whispering to the right, again on the left.
The dates have changed with time
since way back in twenty-oh-nine.
But how can I forget as time flies by?
It’s another year without them alive.
The people who made me feel so much life,
like strangers fading away without a fight.
I can’t keep losing them like this,
let me not be attached – I wish.
Having said that,
can I please have them all back?
They say that the friends you make in college and university are the friends you keep for life! How far is that really true? I’ve got a year left and they have been with me for over 4 years now. But once I’m out of here, am I really going to be still in touch with them? Do I really care for it?
In a random conversation with a close friend who grew up with the people at our school and still knows what they are all up to even if he’s not in touch with them, I mentioned that I knew nothing about the people I went to all those different schools with, well except the ones I remotely cared about, and there aren’t many. I guess I can count the number from each school with the fingers of just one hand, sometimes even that is one too many.
Is it really necessary to care about that many people, especially when they don’t genuinely care about you? Is it worth time and breaths of our lives? People would make the effort to be in the life of the ones that matter to them, that’s my opinion. Friendship starts with strangers. Strangers that take the time to care, trust, share, respect and love one another. But some strangers will never be friends, merely acquaintances that just happen to be there.
There is only so much energy one can put into a one-sided friendship without finally realizing it is worthless. I understand that people cross borders and time differences. They change, and their lives get filled up with responsibilities. Friendships are relationships that can live through that. Friends just need to believe in that.
Sometimes, there have been friends who were once so close to me, who were the first I shared good new with, who accompanied me on my adventures, who sat through plentiful lunches with, and basically shared every moment with me that I could have shared. Then life came in between. Either they changed, I changed or something exploded. So much so that I had nothing more in common with them except those memories of long ago. And at those times, it’s ok. They probably found someone better, as did I.
So, I’ve become one of those people who don’t care about those around me apart from those that matter to me. Is that really a bad thing? To focus my life on those that I care about? To not waste my brain space with the on-goings in those mostly insignificant people lives? Does that make me a hater?! Isn’t one friend more than enough for a person? Hence, if many little pieces of friends fit into my friendship puzzle and it’s complete and I feel complete, isn’t it enough? If I love them to the infinities of space and they love me too, isn’t it all that I need?
I know there are some people that love to surround themselves with people. Maybe I used to be that person. Now, I just want to be around people who love me, protect me, give me excellent advice, make me laugh till tears roll down and generally make me a better person. Who has time to give a crap about those that don’t make your friendship feel valued and special? Definitely not me. Hater or not!