December repeatedly makes me very sentimental. Maybe it’s time to reflect on the most monumental part of my year. Maybe I was running away, maybe I just needed a break from the reality of my life, into another dimension. But my life did a little more than change when I took that trip.
Being the most socially-awkward person that I am, my first day at the office was filled with anxiety. But 2 of the best things happened to me during those 3 months – Surovi and Eddie. Let me just interject here and quickly mention that I’m very skeptical about girl friends. My closest and best friends have always been boys. Surovi, changed my life, okay maybe she didn’t full on change my life, but she gave me a new pair of glasses to see through. I love her free-spirit and feminism. What I love the most is how she just says it, there is no such thing as an elephant in the room with her. There’s just none of that Sri Lankan frivolousness. She can dish out the best advice at one moment and be giggling like a teenager the next. She has travelled. She has read. She’s a foodie. She’s cultured. She’s passionate. She’s opinionated. And then there’s Eddie, who I know like the back of my hand because she’s me – 4 years ago. She sings. She plays the piano. She has faith. She reads. She’s a nerd. She writes. She’s artsy. She really is my soul sister. I don’t even have to tell her – we get excited over the same things, we get irritated over the same things, we have the same level of tolerance and we are always always always thinking the same thing.
Khav is of course the prettiest thing ever, and if I had to ever let anyone near me with an eyeliner, it would be her! It downright warmed my sob-story heart when she called me her sister… Panch, oh Panch, my friends think I make the oddest faces, they clearly haven’t met you. You are awesome, you tree-hugging terrorist!
Another blessing was Sheva. If my parents ever wanted to adopt me another younger brother, I would totally pick you. I love your company. You are too wise for your age, too learnt, too eager, too busy, too calm, too giving, and most of all too amazing. Adeh, thank you for walking into my life. I miss seeing you everyday, I miss talking to you!
Like every family, my family has it’s fair share of problems, which meant my world was limited. There were people who I didn’t know existed! The past 5 months changed that. My family grew. The gap that seemed so big years ago, actually wasn’t anymore. These kids have grown up – we actually have things in common. Of course we did, me being the teenybopper that I am.
It felt nice that I could relate to them, that they would come to me with their problems, that they wanted to spend time with me over their friends, that they asked me [ME!] for fashion advice, that their friends think I’m cool, that they called me ‘datha’, that they would save up their pocket money to get me things, that they would watch me in the kitchen and occassionally help me out whisking the cookie batter. It was oh-so delightful to occassionally terrorize them and have them climb all over me the next moment, hijack my bag, steal my shoes, drive me nuts. I felt loved and I loved that.
Sadly, one disagreement really angered me, that made me sad. But I got past it, we both did. Arfi, you and me, partners-in-crime faithfully! After all, we have Queen Elizabeth and Princess Margeret to deal with! Happy 25th to you, dopey. I’m sorry I missed the party. I really wanted to be there.
Alex, you will always be chutti to me, kiddo! You are an incredible singer. Don’t ever give up on that. Singing with you was hands-down the best kind of fun, although Glen and I didn’t know the words to many of the songs and made up so much random rubbish. Thanks for stepping up and saving us from embarassing ourselves further. You were also the perfect gentleman when we went for TNL OnStage – I was beginning to feel like the teen and you the twenty+. Relax and live a little! Hope to see you OnStage next year. You are a sweetheart. Don’t ever change.
Meeting you, being friends with you is like going back 6 years. Nothing has changed. I appreciate that. You are always my quack, I’m your dope. Really though, I didn’t see you enough. Thank you for breaking down my walls, thank you for being there when I was really lost, thank you for just being silent when I was crying my life out, thank you for being honest with me, thank you for your love and support, thank you for your crazy, thank you for making me feel beautiful, but most of all, thank you for trusting me with your life and for letting me in. Thank you for coming with me to see her [I know it wasn’t easy for you] and for taking my advice and going home. She truly is yours, no doubt. She loves you and she will love you till the world’s end. Have faith and have patience. Next time though, listen to me about the hot chocolate – quacker. ❤
I have never been more heart-broken with the two of you than when you were here, and I know it was mutual at moments. At first, I thought you guys were kidding, but then I was literally over the moon when I knew I was getting to see the both of you. I’m pretty sure the office was going to kick me out if I opened my mouth one more time about the trip. The security guard at the airport was definitely going to barricade me for being impatient while they were stripping you off your Oreos. Shit truly hit the roof at lunch when plans and everything just went haywire, but it’s okay, I understand, however I expected more than silence. As the days went on, my heart grew heavier and I couldn’t help but plot so many ways I would like to murder/abandon a certain someone. Yet, thank you for coming, thank you for putting up with my crazy, thank you for letting me hold the camera, thank you for the calming messages, thank you for asking me to stay, thank you for swearing under the waterfall, thank you for only losing your temper with me once, thank you for having tea, thank you for letting me pick the ice cream, thank you for not taking a bath with the elephant, thank you for finally standing up for me, thank you for being mine – both of you! I tried, but my tolerance just wasn’t enough. It was not the trip I envisioned, things could have definitely gone a lot smoother. Additionally, afterwards, I had a massive revelation. I always thought that I hid my feelings well, especially in regard to you, but it seems I was wrong. I lit up like a 1000-watt bulb the moment you walked through, those are not words I wanted to hear. I knew I was in big trouble.
I think one of my biggest achievements was finally meeting an ex who I’ve been avoiding like the plague and letting go of all the pain, resentment and memories. I don’t know about the whole weight being lifted all my shoulders, but I’ve definitely been more happier. It was unnecessary baggage I’ve been carrying around for far too long.
I learnt that being me is enough. It’s okay to be crazy, to be scared, to be calm, to be weird, to care, to fight for what I believe in, to dance in public, to cry, to accept compliments, to have good days, to have bad days, to expect people to stick up for me, to expect people to accept me as I am, to allow people to be there for me, to love and to enjoy the love people give me; because behind my sarcasm, I am a big softie. And it’s perfectly acceptable!