Tag Archives: lost

My December

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Now that you’re gone
my soul has lost its youthfulness
and my heart is tired.
But my eyes that search anxiously
for yours,
have come to find you in my dreams.
Now the love that they exude can
be set free;
while I sleep in tormented reverie.
Because the December that was
meant to be ours,
wasn’t really meant to be.

Without You

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You can test the waters of the ocean,
learn to swim against the currents,
but that will never prepare you
for a tsunami,
despite the weather warnings.

It dragged everything I knew
in one swift movement,
left me drowning
for I no longer had an anchor
to keep me safe on the shore.

All the things I was with you,
I now have to struggle to be
without you,
I don’t know if I’ll ever
be ready for that.

Lifeless

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The room is set ablaze
by the rays of sunshine streaming through
on this lazy afternoon,

yet I’m under the quilt
the blood coursing through my veins
cold almost lifeless

I miss your presence
your warmth and your strong heartbeat
your legs tangled up in mine,

there really is no point
in waking up and going about my day
if you aren’t a part of it.

Flicker

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It’s easy to get lost,
in this world of technology,
where human interaction
is weakened day by day.

It’s easy to get lost,
in the bigger picture,
mostly you can’t see it
consumed in drama.

It’s easy to get lost,
in your whirlwind emotions,
hormones on a roller coaster
having a good time.

But you find your way back,
you make that connection,
you see the bigger picture,
you get off the ride.

It all makes sense now,
We are the same,
but there is mistrust and
broken understanding.

It won’t change today,
like it never has.
And that in itself
is enough to say goodbye.

I Think It Is Time

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Sometimes I wonder about the state of this world, of the lives people are leading in the search of temporary happiness and the general direction we are heading in. I wonder if the advance of technology was really the best thing our brilliant minds could come up with.

Let’s take a general look at the road down which we are all travelling towards: superficial lives based on money and materialistic things, selfish natures and lack of self-respect. What happened to us?

There are no words to describe the situation of the world today. If it is not war, its natural disaster, and if it is neither of those, it is corruption. There is so much negativity going around. Where is it going to stop? Are we really going to turn a blind eye towards all of this?

Life is so much easier for us, yet we are so busy trying to be better than our neighbor, get ahead of ourselves that we finally lose our sense of self and why we are doing this. Why are we doing this? There is no peace to be found down that path. Well, not to my knowledge anyways.

We are so busy being busy that we don’t have time to be us so much so that we don’t even know who we are except to be the robots we are made to be, following dreams of others. How many of us can say that’s true?

When did things get this mad? At what point did technology make us obese? At what point did striving to be the best lead to personality disorders? At what point did doing the best for your family mean that they got the best education but went without food? At what point did it become ok to mistreat animals for human gain? Where did we go wrong?

People, we have lost ourselves. Everything that is happening now, the wars, the natural disasters, the corruption, the lack of food, the height of ignorance, the spread of stupidity is all because of us. Think about it.

We no longer fight for important things, and those who do can’t be heard loud enough or are just shouting in the dark. We are obsessed with materialistic thoughts spread around by ignorant people and we are following them in their parade towards a cold, heartless world.

Modesty was thrown out the window with our clothes. Respect was strangled with lines of filth. Dignity suffocated from a lack of morals. Religion was corrupted and flung to a side. Can anything be trusted anymore? I don’t know. I’m beginning to doubt myself. I’m beginning to doubt everything around me.

I know we’d like to convince ourselves that we are lucky than our ancestors, but is that really true? Are we lucky because we are too busy to show our loved ones they are loved? Are we lucky because we hide our emotions in order to survive? Are we lucky because we lost all our humanity, morality and dignity to insanity?

Because I don’t think that’s anything great. In fact, it’s downright depressing. We are never truly happy, we don’t smile enough, our laughter doesn’t ring and our heart is never content.

No matter what religion you practice, the base of each is to love yourself and respect your neighbor, don’t give in to greed, lust or power. Always do the right thing, and never lie. There is a reason for all of this. The biggest of all is to leave us with a sane conscious.

Don’t give in even if it seems to be the easier choice. Say no. Love your parents and siblings. Keep close family relations. Always spread joy. Listen to both sides of the story. Encourage good things. Stay away from people who bring out the worst in you. Forgive.

This madness has gone on long enough. We need to change this. Our predecessors want the best for us, they want an easier life for us. But remember, the easier life may not necessarily be the happiest. They always had time to be with their family. They had their priorities straight. We need to figure ours out.

There was always love. There was no pawning of children to maids or neglect of elderly parents at nursing homes. There was no swearing when things didn’t go our way. There was no disrespect of others. There was no self-obsession and extreme selfishness.

Don’t get caught up in this path of self-destruction. Don’t fall for this commercialized idealistic life. Follow your heart now before it gets corrupted, find the truth and distinguish it from the zillions of falsehoods out there. Go for the clear conscious.

Look around you. Look at your life. A good hard look. Is this what you thought your life would be like? Have clear goals. Work towards them. Remember what goes around, comes around and sometimes karma can be a b!tch 😉

Wish you all the best. My prayers are with you.

Losing Your Pieces

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Some times in life you need to start afresh. You need to close that chapter in your life and never look back – just forward. And the rush of emotions that come along with it is mind boggling; the good and bad, the happy and sad.

So, it looks like I’ll be living alone again. That’s not the part that bothers me so much, but I really hate living close to the people I have to see every day in class. There’s a total lack of privacy, politics everywhere, and no personal space. Isolation seems like a better choice, if one can afford it.

But I’m going to make the most of it. I have another 2 years to go, and then I’m done. I’m out! I’ve had some good times, made some great friends, lost some too and made a real person out of myself, I think.

However, it’s sad times when friends that used to be so close, drift apart or can’t compromise over small, insignificant things. As much as I try to let go, a part of me still wants to be friends, even after the anger and the annoyance.

So, how do friends drift apart? Can we ever get them back? Maybe those lines about friends coming and going, leaving footprints in our lives is all friends are for. When we grow and change, become different people, the people close to us might have to change with us. After all, friends are the family we choose for ourselves.

How about ex’s? Is all the love really gone once we are over? And is friendship out of the question?

As much as I would like to say that I hate all my ex’s, that would be a lie. Not that I love all of them, a few are still amazing friends of mine. Well one is. Not to give you any ideas, but I really think it’s about the level of maturity and honesty that both have and the total lack of those feelings.

Yet, it’s still depressing when someone who was once close to you, who shared secrets with you, who shared dreams with you; walks out and leaves you alone, without that warmth that used to be special between the two of you.

Along the passing years those fond days will go deeper into your heart, lost in the sea of memories that may surface from time to time, maybe on days when you are telling stories to your children or grandchildren or when you are revisiting the past over a cup of tea.

I miss my old friends from long ago. I wonder sometimes if we would still be friends now if distance and boys hadn’t come in between us. Those were the good ‘ol days. Now they are all the rage. And those from the future, we are yet to find out.

Living in the past is a waste of time. We will win some, and we will lose some. We just have to take what we have and make the best out of it. And hope that the hollow feeling will eventually fade in time when you replace them with someone else.

I would say friendship and love are like energy – they can neither be created nor destroyed but moved from one form to another – from one person to another. Replaced by a self-created piece of a jigsaw that you lost through the years of long distance and bad choices, a piece that will always make the puzzle complete, but is never truly the same as the original.

When You’re Gone

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The time has come to begin a new life, to discover a new culture, to make new friends. This is the road you have chosen to follow, filled with many things you don’t know. As you leave behind the people you have been with your whole lives, the pieces of your heart are missing them. This feeling never completely fades away.

So lately been wondering who will be there to take my place. I know you will need someone to give you strength when you are weak, to give you hope when your candle has blown out, to share your smiles and joys; to be there for you, when I can’t. Will that person share with you, what we had? I wish I could go with you.

You are overwhelmed by all the new faces and you wish that you knew someone, anyone to help you take away this lost feeling. You want someone to show you the way, a light in this cold place. Hold on. Don’t be scared, your destiny will keep you warm. This is where you are supposed to be. And soon you will be standing on your own two.

–We are where we are because we are meant to be there. You seem so far, yet so close. I wish you were closer. Nothing’s going to change destiny, whatever’s meant to be will work out perfectly. I want to go back in time and let it rerun in slow motion, to give us more time to be together, to prepare each other for this new life, apart.

Many smiles and greetings, new names and nationalities, but none like those you’ve left behind. Feel like you’ve been to the upper-side of down, been to the inside of out. You wish it was the way it used to be: comfortable and safe. But you’ve made your decision, and now you must stick by it. It does get better.

–I’m scared too. All these new things I have to know. I want to go back, but I can’t. I hope I find a familiar face; after all, this is a small world. Sometimes I rush to get right to the end; I know I’ll get to this place when I feel the time is right. The summer: when we can all be together again, sharing stories of our new lives, entwining it with the others.

Sometimes you are frustrated, and are finding it hard to adjust all these new things. You pine for home, for family and for friends. I will feel your tears falling. I will hear your spirit calling. And I swear I’ll be there. Maybe due to the time difference we are not available, but technology is really great these days. Call them, text them, email them, or even leave them a message online. It feels nice not to be forgotten too.

— I want to call you sometimes, so I can hear your voice, I feel so much better knowing that you want to talk as much. Even if you are not online, I’ll leave you a message, when I’m feeling lonely. Just stay strong, ‘because you know I’m here for you. Be there for me too. Just because I’m me, it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss you, that I don’t have my moments of weakness. I’m only human, you guys are my life.

It seems like all of the stars are fading away, just try not to worry, you’ll see them some day. It’s good for you if your family goes with you to this new land, even if for a few days. Helps you settle in. And your friends, they shall be there for you. Distance is hard, but it is something friendship can live through.

— Time difference is a killer. I never get to talk to you, and when I do, it’s so short. I have so many things I want to tell you about this new life. And there is so much I want to ask you about yours. But though the distance that’s between us now may seem to be too far, it will never separate us. I carry you with me, in every breath, in every step.

You want to feel like you’re close to something real. You are! It feels different, because it is new to you. But remember, your friends and family wish you well. They have prepared you with the best of their knowledge. Make this dream a reality. Step out of your cocoon and welcome the world into your arms.

— I’m worried about you. I hope you are doing well in your new life. Stay in touch. Don’t forget me. I know you will be down for a few weeks, I was too. But then you’ll see the beauty in the new land, and the fresh perspective its will give you about the world. Even though for now we’ve got to say goodbye, I know you will be forever in my life.

Soon you will have new friends, and will have new memories to share. And during holidays, you will miss their presence in your life. There’s nothing like me and you. Each one is special. Each relationship is unique. And altogether they build up a very fulfilling life. They complete your puzzle. They bring sunshine, the rain, and rainbows.

I don’t know when, confused about how as well, just know that these things won’t change for us at all. You will live your life, and I will live mine. And though they are both far away from each other, different in every way; I shall come home one day, so shall you. And we shall pick up right where we left off, like nothing ever happened.

Time passes slowly, don’t fret. So the days feel like years when you’re alone. It’s not always so. After a few weeks, you’ll wonder where all the time has gone. It’s hard being alone in a new place with new faces. Take it step-by-step. In no time you will achieve a great distance with pride. The new faces will become familiar; the new place, you shall call home.

Be good to yourself, and I shall do the same. You’ll live one more day and make it through the rain. Then you’ll emerge tough and nothing shall bring you down. I have my faith in you, just like you had in me. Sometimes I might feel far from you, but look into your heart and you’ll find me there, now and forever. I shall never give up what we have. But for now, I miss you, and this is all I want to say.

*** “A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley then to those who inhibit the mountain?” ***

Sometimes

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Sometimes I think about the past,
and wonder if it would have been different.
If we would have had what we have today,
or whether it would have faded away.

Sometimes I just want to run away,
and hide in a place where no one will find me.
To be alone with myself,
so that my thoughts will have space to breathe.

Sometimes I smile to myself in the sunshine,
and continue walking down the street.
Thinking about all those good times,
those memories of laughter.

Sometimes I dream about the future,
and how it seems so bright.
How it would feel like to spend a lifetime with you,
being with you every step of the way.

Sometimes I wonder if you’re thinking about me,
and how close we once were.
At what we are doing, how we are,
how we are coping, whether we are smiling.

Sometimes I look around me, at things learnt,
and I am eternally thankful.
For my family, friends and life,
it has been good to me, even through the storms.

Sometimes I ponder over the present,
and ask myself if it would be the same if I stayed behind.
If you would have given us another chance,
so I could feel the way I used to when you called my name.

Sometimes I am curious to know,
what would happen if you saw right through me.
Would you be amazed at how you’ve been deceived?
The mask I wear, will it frighten you?

Hopeless

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I was beautiful,
I am not anymore.
My flowers are wilting,
and my trees are dying.
My breath is polluted.

Darkness is taking over,
spreading its virus through the human race.
They have this exceptional ability,
to destroy my livelihood.
Love, happiness, smiles and hugs.

I look around, all I see are,
tears, frowns, and blood thirsty anger.
Enough to crush me,
crush me slowly and painfully.
Too harsh to even try and recover.

I hate to see this happening,
but I realize it’s a pointless war.
I’m too tired.
I’m just going to let it overwhelm me.
Good bye!