Tag Archives: life

2017 – Welcome

Standard

Dear World,

2017 could not have come any sooner. 2016 ahhh, was not a year of firsts anymore. It was a year that I wanted over from the moment it started and now it’s gone. Thank the heavens for that!

2016 was a year that I traveled outside the UK into Europe and Africa for the first time ever. Those were exciting days. I soaked myself in those moments, but deep down, my heart was in a dark place. My heart remained in a dark place and dragged my head down with it. Every time I took a breath out a small part of my soul left with it. So last year, I had no power to stop myself, I just let myself grieve. And I must say that I’m so very very grateful for my friends, new and old – my family that keeps growing; for pulling me through. It was a year where I had to make a difficult career choice so that I could go on to achieve my 5 year goals.
It was also a year where some of the loveliest couples I knew got married, and I wish them a world of happiness through all the hardship they took to get there. I couldn’t be more excited for you!

I’m ready for this year. To get on with things head strong, to travel with my heart free, to look forward instead of looking back, to focusing on what is instead of what if. The year I can finally begin again, awaken my dead bones, and restart my heartbeat. I hope this year will be our saving grace where we get in touch with ourselves and regain our humanity. Let us not forget those who need us, stuck in situations beyond their control, in poverty and war-striken regions around the world. May we all hope to make a small difference in our lifetimes.

I shall leave you with that and some lovely words from Ms Leav.

With love, always,
K

15676036_1362192477166488_7260739088928386120_o

Night Traveler

Standard

I see snow covered mountain peaks
peeping over peppering clouds,
the rugged land below
enjoying the perils of sunlight.

I see the sea weaving
along the shoreline, silently
and clusters of white
forming villages, towns, cities, capitals.

I see the harnessing of wind
to create energy for the masses,
life being lived gloriously
from the wings that carry me home.

Alas, I brave the journey
in the light of day!

And it’s 2016…

Standard

Dear loved ones,

It’s the dawn of a new year. And as every new year starts I’d like to reflect on the past year just a little bit.

2015 was overall a great year! It started off with friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and having them around gave my heart so much peace. It was the year where I started my first job and got my first salary. It was a year of many firsts in that aspect. I gave my first qurban, I lost my first baby (at work, not my own), I traveled with my own money, I sorted out my taxes, I used my amazon account, etc etc. Small but big victories none-the-less.

It was a year where friendships were strengthened. Where those who were there for me shined through my darkest days. It was a year where I got way too many birthday gifts. I’m not complaining. And I’ve now got a wall of cards.

A year of travel which will hopefully pass onto the new year. Big whoop for all of you who hosted me and who I hosted. Hope to see you again 😀

2015 was also a year I lost someone close to me. And being honest, it still very much feels like a huge hole in my life. It’s an ache that refuses to go away or be ignored. It has also been a year where I’ve appreciated my mother a lot for her support.

But it was a year of beautiful beautiful memories and daily inspiration in random places – so I say thank you to everyone for being with me this year. For the love, the friendship, the closeness, the wisdom and very much for believing in me when I lost sight of myself.

And I’ll leave you with these words I found this morning

Real love is neither kind nor gentle, and does not award itself to the cowardly or the meek. Love is beholden only to the brave and the bold. Those who are prepared to break bone and bleed for it, to go on fighting without reason or hope.

~Beau Taplin

Love, always
K

I Wish

Standard

The air is filled with all my neurosis
at losing the people most precious.
These demons just won’t let it rest,
whispering to the right, again on the left.
The dates have changed with time
since way back in twenty-oh-nine.
But how can I forget as time flies by?
It’s another year without them alive.
The people who made me feel so much life,
like strangers fading away without a fight.
I can’t keep losing them like this,
let me not be attached – I wish.
Having said that,
can I please have them all back?

November 2015

Standard

I have to start with this because it really is the most amazing thing. There’s a website where u type in the emotion your currently feeling and it gives you a Surah/Ayat that correlates with it and I think that’s just beautiful. www.Sujood.co

wp-1450044736021.jpegDidn’t really travel anywhere. Made a small trip to Birmingham for a radiology conference, which is something my heart always needs. Definitely loved their Christmas market. It was proper German and I had my jalapeno poppers – worth getting excited over. I also met a friend after almost 10 years. Awh! It was good catching up about college over cake and then rushing off. Handmade chocolate and homemade cake, hot chocolate and garlic bread, german cookies and stollen.wp-1450044762165.jpeg

I just want to put it out there and say thanks to everyone who didn’t discriminate the Muslims after the Paris attack. I personally appreciate it. It’s sad the number of innocent lives lost in the name of misdirected and ignorant Jihad.

My brother did some charity work – I think it’s because he was too lazy to shave, but I’ll take it. I’m proud of him! 😀
My cousin suggested a song for my #WeekendJam. I literally lolled – I didn’t know they were catching on. Made my day.

wp-1450044800277.jpegI didn’t do any baking. November was a quiet month. But I do want to leave you with one of the most beautiful sunrises I’ve seen for a while.

October 2015

Standard

The month of ghosts and ghouls surely didn’t disappoint. It started off with a little of traveling to the city of Robin Hood and my usual adventures of getting lost because I still can’t tell right from left. Nottingham is a beautiful city and if I could I’d definitely live there. It goes as #2 on my list – Edinburgh will always remain #1. I’ll tell you why. It’s a complete red brick city. I love it. It’s got it’s culture and arts and outdoorsy stuff, the full package. Beautiful stuff. Met up with the lovely Ashley who homed me for 2 days. It was brilliant seeing her after a year, give or take a few days. It was good to walk and talk and chill and watch rugby! Hahahaha!!! I’ve put some pictures below. Nottingham as some great places to see.. The open deer park and Wollerton Hall, the sky mirror (literally), all those red brick homes, an honest to God functioning windmill from the 50s (?) – I was definitely in aww.. Forget Sherwood forest. Didn’t have time to make it up there. It add the whipped cream, it’s a city built on top of an entire tunnel of underground of caves! The cherry – has a wide array of cafes with the quirkiest names ❤

DSC03134 DSC03222 DSC03292DSC03152 DSC03162 DSC03176  DSC03233

Oct was definitely a month filled with a lot of not soul searching but dwelling into myself to find all my strength as I pieced myself together with all the things happening in my life, work included. The sick kids were breaking my heart and I just wanted to send all of them home.

Plan in decades. Think in years. Work in months. Live in days. – Matador

I had a lot of great lines going through my mind and produced some decent poetry which I’m relatively proud of. You can check that out on the rest of my site.

It was also #RWC2015. #AllBlack #AllBlacks #AllBlacks. They did deserve to win. The way they ran, those passes, the tries and conversions. Booyah baby! Let’s all do the haka 😀

I’m just glad that I wasn’t left to my own devices this month. Lots of traveling, lots of walks and nature and just breathers. I needed all of it. Had lunch with my previous house mates. 3 girls walked into a pub (lol-sorry there is no joke here), and I of course ordered all-day breakfast because why would you order anything else if you had that option in the menu?! Hahahaahaha. Felt like a rolypoly balloon after that.

Made it up to Merthyr and further up the Brecon to Pen Y Fan smoothly with Leah-man huffing and puffing, moaning and groaning next to me. It was COLD! But it was great. And it’s true what they say – mountain breeze sounds the same as sea waves. The photos at the bottom are from the Taff trail – definitely a good walk. And then cutting through the cemetery to get home. May they rest in peace!

DSC03394 (1280x290)DSC03371 (1280x851) DSC03389 (1280x851) 

DSC03323 (851x1280)  DSC03356 (1280x851) DSC03331 (851x1280)

Alhamdulillah I had a lot of chances to travel and be around people this month. Went down to Exeter again this month to meet Deeps and she managed to get Rajiv and Sandeep to come down from Huntingdon as well. It was just good for my heart really. We set off to Dartmoor National Park and obviously went walking and got lost and crossed barbed wires and climbed steep hills, but we got there eventually. Made a quick stop to Plymouth for food and some sunshine and then stocked up on a load of snacks to settle down and play hours of CardsAgainstHumanity and Buzzerwizzer which was just downright hilarious that we didn’t even notice the clock turn back. The next day we went back to Dartmoor visiting a different site – the waterfalls and streams. It was sunny this time and the sound of the raging water sort of brought a sense of calm over me. Might have been the chance to have Devon made ice cream, yummy in the tumtum. The weekend ended with Chinese food – like the good stuff!!! ❤

DSC03412 DSC03423 DSC03426 DSC03430

DSC03448 DSC03454 DSC03442   DSC03480

   DSC03541 DSC03560 DSC03499

See, we live in a world of false perfection, and layered masks. A world of people so afraid to let themselves be seen, as they are. People so afraid to love completely, and even more afraid to let themselves be loved. Because deep down they’re ashamed of their broken parts. Deep down they think they’re not enough. They think they’re not worthy. But if you have the courage to be seen and loved–just as you are–you will discover something amazing: You *are* enough.
~Yasmin Mogahed

Went for my monthly dose of radiology, met some lovely people. Had some heartbreaking news, but can’t be helped. Will just have to sit and sort out. But I’ve come so far. I can do this. Brilliant minds, loved the interaction. Keeps me on the right track.

I think that’s it for this month. Oh I did do some baking – banana poppyseed chocolate truffle cake. It was so good that it vanished. And chocolate fudge cake – mega drool. Sorry I don’t have pictures of them. They really did disappear so fast.

Songs:
Ed Sheeran – Drunk (that’s all I’ve got)

September 2015

Chat

I didn’t like this month much, but I still had some decent moments. The month started down in the dumps, so I guess you can’t really go anywhere but up from the ground.

Maybe she needed someone to show her how to live and
he needed someone to show him how to love. ~N.R. Hart

I have an intense love for the sea, it’s my safe place – always puts my life in perspective. I love coastal walks, one of the absolute amazing things in this world. Mountain walks don’t even come close. And I’ve got a bestie who understands exactly what that means. Then I found this: “It made her feel small, but free as well.” ~George R.R. Martin

date Dhul Hijjah came and went. I like to think I made the most of it, InshaAllah. Slaughtered my first sheep, well I didn’t do it with my bare hands, but I dealt with it. My flatmate and I made food and celebrated a quiet Eid this time around. eid

My favorite new-age comic – Heart and Brain released it’s first book which I’ve booked as a birthday present. If you don’t know about it, you should – it’s absolutely brilliant.

Actually finished reading a novel after years! Back to medical books now…

Rekindled my friendship with the lovely Mubs who I’ve kinda missed in this odd little place in my life and it was kinda nice Skyping and catching up her highness.

Supporting New Zealand (and Wales) for the Rugby World Cup – it will be a lovely final for sure, with UK over-run with all nationalities.

My brother celebrated his 25th birthday in INDIA! Good on him for actually traveling and doing something different for a change. So proud 😀

To her, if there was nothing to fix, there was nothing to love.
~Christopher Pointdexter

I didn’t travel anywhere this month, so I don’t have any travel photos, but I ended this month in the radiology department which is what I love and I finally figured out why. It’s like spot the difference, put the puzzle together, being an undercover Sherlock Holmes.

All New Things

Chat

Ah! I love new things,
the novelty of it turns me on.
I could spend hours
trying to figure out how it works.

Be it a friend that has finally
fit into the jigsaw of my life,
ticking a box left blank too long.

A new hobby with a different
sort of zing to it that
starts to fill up your free time.

The air of a new destination
filled with mystery
and hidden places to discover.

Or is it just a new moment
breaking free from
the cocoon older days?

An old love
whose path has now
showed a twist.

A verse you didn’t quite
understand now revealing
it’s true nature.

And by things,
I didn’t really mean that at all.
I’m not as superficial
as a magpie.

August 2015

Chat

August isn’t my most favorite month but it has definitely been great this time around. I sneakily took 2 holidays this month, making use of the last summer month to go trapezing around.

DSC02553 (1280x904)My first was to North Wales. Transport absolutely sucks, but I’d gladly leave the South and move up. It is stunning. Families go crabbing on the weekend. CRABBING! I want to go crabbing and ice cream eating along piers every weekend. I am sad that I didn’t get to see any puffins even after all my walking, but I’ve never had luck with wildlife. So I got myself a puffin pin to make up for it 😀
Conwy is lovely, it has a lovely fish shop hidden on the bay, but you’ll see all the locals with boxes, can’t really miss it. DSC02587 (1280x851)Slightly oily, but very crispy. Parisellas ice cream is great. And the thing I loved most about Conwy was that they had all these quaint shops where you could get music boxes and toys from eons ago that you could never find today. Almost like stepping back in time.

I headed off to Puffin Island in Penmon passing the priory and well, talking to strangers on the way. Sadly walked all the way there, had triple chocolate cake, which was delish.. then walked all the way back.DSC02649 (905x1280) Beaumaris does by far the most beautiful castle, at least I think so. I’m a little OCD and I like my castles to be rounded with perfect moats and drawbridges. Red boat ice cream is mindblowing and there is a line, always! Don’t think you can come back when it’s less crowded; just queue up. The town also has a Popeye burger joint with a burger to meet every character and a candy store called A Penny Farthing, which weirdly reminded me of My Fair Lady. And then I headed off to the base of Snowdon via Cernarfon – which also has a massive squarish castle, but they Hole in the Wall St. Cracked me up! I love holes in the wall. (No PUN what-so-ever)DSC02747 (1280x851)
Next day up Snowdon, dragging my unfit body huffing and puffing, but the views! DAMN! Worth it. 3 hours up, 2 hours down and then traveling back to Conwy.

DSC02794 (1280x851)The following morning I was starting to feel how unfit I was, had to practically lift myself off the bed, and off I went to Holyhead, this time walking at a much slower pace, only because my body was aching in so many places. Walked through fields to get to South Stack. It has quite a majestic lighthouse – again, no luck with the puffins. Saw lots and lots of horses. ❤
Last and final day to Llandadnuo. Very tourist town. Found the mad hatter, but not Alice. Went up to Great Orme on DSC02878 (1280x905)the tramline and to the Copper mines, which was quite interesting – location wise. It was a lovely sunshiney day, so I had a double scoop of ice cream – toffee cheesecake and ferrero rocher. I’m such a child. Then hoped on my train back to the South.

Work – been going to deliveries on my own. It’s been a bit traumatic but let’s not think about those. Doing cranial ultrasounds on my own. Managing to get cannulas in. We have this ANNP student who is absolutely lovely, we hit it off and bless her – she’s been really great. She cracks me up, and I’ve come up with a good line to tell myself and others when shit hits the roof, which it does without fail at some time or the other in our lives – SORT YOURSELF OUT! I also went into work twice when I wasn’t supposed to – pulling Annas, I call it. But the second time, got together with the other Lankan Dr and went shopping in Cardiff. Got a cute dress from the childrens section. Sometimes it is joyful that you can shop in both sections. ^.^

Z got married. Her dress looked lovely. I’m still waiting on photos which will hopefully come soon, but I bet she looked amazing. I’ve been a lil lost this month, but Alhamdulillah for great friends and adopted children who just speak their hearts out. Monu, you are one of them. Random chats, catching up, summarizing the big shit – I got you girl. Anas, you are the other – thanks for just getting out and saying it – you know I got you. You are such a nerd face, you’ll be a great engineer when you decide you are ready to graduate. Oh I do have to shout out to NQB and Arafath because they too got married officially, and my baby girl got engaged even though I specifically told her not to without me. It’s all forgiven. Van, thank you for keeping in touch though I’m terrible at doing that. Duffy, pink smarties bro! 😉 Thank you for returning the friendship and being there to pick me up – fist bump for life ❤ I do have to sneak in M here, just because we had a heart-to-heart after a long LONG time. AND DEEPS IS BACK!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

DSC02925The Drs rotate next month, so we all went out for a meal and drinks and most of us to a Jazz club after, with live music. It was good fun. Just nice to get out of the hospital and dress up, eat, laugh, walk around Cardiff till late and get home at 0130 am after a tiring night shift the day before. That lemon pavlova :O I want another please. #cosyatcosy

Made a trip to Exeter to see Deeps with dark chocolate. Weather wasn’t great, but the company. Gave my heart so much peace. Dragged her along to Torquay, had fancy Thai food, went up on the Torquay Eye – had the starting of a panic attack, so closed my eyes and cringing with her laughing endlessly at my silliness. But that resolved after a Devon clotted cream tea, well with coffee. DSC02990 (1280x905)We bought this board game which we thought we’d play at night, but ended up talking till we fell asleep, so played the trivia/trickery game over coffee in the morning before wandering around Exeter in search of the quay. Found a bookstore with old and interesting treasures and got a book for 3 birthdays. The quay had converted cellars – so of course we went to the coffee cellar 😉 and had smoothies. Because that’s how we roll. I also had this polenta lemon cake with pistache. Surprisingly tasty! I was so sad to leave her. It’s good to have her close though.

Music:
Life After You – Daughtry
Marvin Gaye – Charlie Puth ft Meghan Trainor
Flashlight – Jessie J
Where Are U now? – Skrillex & Diplo ft Justin Bieber
Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself – Jess Glynne
Are You With Me? – Lost Frequencies