And we shall ignore
our fragile broken hearts
so that the people
we love continue to be happy;
it is us
that they need
Take care of him.”
That’s what she said.
“How do you do that for a man who
wants someone else?”
I stepped back. That’s what I did.
There she lay
beside me in sweet slumber,
a smirk on her face.
A curious early morning sight,
yet I rolled away to face the ceiling.
She, was stuck with me.
I wondered, would it be different
if he lay next to me,
would he be pulling me in closer?
Ouch! She just smacked me
out of my daydream.
I, was stuck with her.
Here I am,
having the time of my life
yet coming back to an empty house
thinking I’d much rather
be with you!
There you are,
walking away with
your bags packed and mind made up
so I guess I’m getting used to
home being this way!
In a world that is intent on breaking,
it’s the first time I’ve learnt
to let go.
This is us.
This is love.
This is where I sleep,
alone in peaceful reverie.
With you darling, seas apart,
tormented by the road
You taught me to never
judge a book by its cover,
so I let him recite eloquent verses
that took me to a different time.
That was the thing I loved
most about him,
that he read in a language which
wasn’t completely mine.
You forced yourself into my life,
And made a home in my heart.
I wasn’t graceful either,
Just tumbling down the rabbit hole.
Now that you are staying,
We have our moments of push and pull.
It’s what we’ve been doing since go,
Yet I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The distance might be hurtful,
But it’s so perfect for this twisted love.
It makes the moments of anger, flashes;
with forgiveness quick to follow.
And out of the burnt ruins,
comes bright lights that won’t give up.
Rays that never fail to lead me,
straight home, into your arms.
Why I wrote this:
It’s mentally stressful, but this friendship is worth all the ruins of Pompeii.
You mean nothing to me,
You never were the ultimate love of my life.
I don’t think about you at all,
I don’t even have floods of memories.
You didn’t change me with your words,
You couldn’t even with your blinding stares.
I accept your silence,
I go on albeit your distance.
You have no strength to break my heart,
You without the courage to love.
I embrace your demons,
I wish you tormenting nightmares.
You are everything ordinary,
You have no power over farewells.
They say that the friends you make in college and university are the friends you keep for life! How far is that really true? I’ve got a year left and they have been with me for over 4 years now. But once I’m out of here, am I really going to be still in touch with them? Do I really care for it?
In a random conversation with a close friend who grew up with the people at our school and still knows what they are all up to even if he’s not in touch with them, I mentioned that I knew nothing about the people I went to all those different schools with, well except the ones I remotely cared about, and there aren’t many. I guess I can count the number from each school with the fingers of just one hand, sometimes even that is one too many.
Is it really necessary to care about that many people, especially when they don’t genuinely care about you? Is it worth time and breaths of our lives? People would make the effort to be in the life of the ones that matter to them, that’s my opinion. Friendship starts with strangers. Strangers that take the time to care, trust, share, respect and love one another. But some strangers will never be friends, merely acquaintances that just happen to be there.
There is only so much energy one can put into a one-sided friendship without finally realizing it is worthless. I understand that people cross borders and time differences. They change, and their lives get filled up with responsibilities. Friendships are relationships that can live through that. Friends just need to believe in that.
Sometimes, there have been friends who were once so close to me, who were the first I shared good new with, who accompanied me on my adventures, who sat through plentiful lunches with, and basically shared every moment with me that I could have shared. Then life came in between. Either they changed, I changed or something exploded. So much so that I had nothing more in common with them except those memories of long ago. And at those times, it’s ok. They probably found someone better, as did I.
So, I’ve become one of those people who don’t care about those around me apart from those that matter to me. Is that really a bad thing? To focus my life on those that I care about? To not waste my brain space with the on-goings in those mostly insignificant people lives? Does that make me a hater?! Isn’t one friend more than enough for a person? Hence, if many little pieces of friends fit into my friendship puzzle and it’s complete and I feel complete, isn’t it enough? If I love them to the infinities of space and they love me too, isn’t it all that I need?
I know there are some people that love to surround themselves with people. Maybe I used to be that person. Now, I just want to be around people who love me, protect me, give me excellent advice, make me laugh till tears roll down and generally make me a better person. Who has time to give a crap about those that don’t make your friendship feel valued and special? Definitely not me. Hater or not!
Long forgotten mails, faded photographs
tiny tokens of friendship, love and trust.
They remind me of you.
Of who we were and who we have become,
the distance between us,
yet our bond, fresh and thirsty.
Our journey together and apart,
the smiles and tears on the way.
Memories, the nostalgic reminder of the past,
and the hopes of a brighter future, visible.
Dear friend, blood is thicker than water.
You are that now, that’s how it shall remain.
Life may not have always been good to us,
but you are one of the many good things.
Stop and take a look into my heart, see yourself there.
Even after all those long, distant, quiet years.
An old story written in my history, refusing to be buried.
Another chapter; maybe another day, maybe never.
My heart has been waiting for you.
But you don’t know it, I didn’t either.
We didn’t even have one moment, our moment, for me.
You couldn’t see what was so plain and clear.
I could have made you a star, helped you touch the sky.
Better that you are now, bigger than your body.
Your picture leaves me breathless, yet I’m still staring.
And I’m scared about what your words can do to me.
Let me see that smile smile for me, that heart beat for me.
Please, I want that twinkle back in your eyes.
I don’t want your life, I just want a moment, just one.
For that I will wait for you, for our time.
Many times we are nostalgic about those wonderful years in school and are amazed at how far our most closest friends are from us, over those high seas.
Canada, America, Australia, Europe, and some though close to home, are still far away. Its strange how being so far away from our closest friends can make our friendship stronger and also allow us to sometimes make our own decisions since time difference doesnt always work to our favour. It always reminds us that though we are alone, we are not completely alone, we do always have someone to call at 1 in the morning, if we need to do so. It ensures that we try and stand on our own, and know that if we fall there are people to help us up again. And where ever you maybe in the world, you always have someone close by, if not in the same place as you, just a time zone away.
Peace people, and be close to those who warm your heart and help you smile at your darkest time. Take care.