You have been a part of so much joy and anger in my life, I don’t know where to start. Sometimes I feel like our friendship is a billion years old, yet we haven’t aged a day. We continue to be the same people we were years ago, at times better, at times worse. It’s almost like we feed off each others impatience, but you are always someone I’d turn to when I’m in trouble or feeling down. You turn my frown upside down and light up my life.
I love your company because it’s just a whole bunch of nonstop chatter of ridiculously irrelevant things that I agree on and you disagree or vice versa; with me screaming on the street/public transport like a crazy person while you sit in the comfort of your car with that dopey smile you have when you know you are going to win. Yet when it’s over, I stupidly have this grin on my face like a Cheshire cat. It’s almost the best part of my day. Or it’s you whining about how something is just not up to your standard, or how the food is just too suspicious. Sometimes it’s me ranting about some person or the other. It’s just fun and light, for the least part of it.
On those frequent days, weeks, months that I’ve pissed you off and you just refuse to talk to me, answer my calls, reply to my sms’ or chat – those were the worst. I’d miss you and spend most of my days wondering if you’d ever talk to me again, if everything would just go back to normal, if you’d ever forgive me for whatever silly, stupid, insignificant thing I’d done, if that heaviness would go away.
You make me happy. You make me sad. You make me angry. You make me cry. You make me smile. You make me laugh.
Truthfully, I miss you and I love you. You are and always will be my closest friend, whether you are or aren’t speaking to me. I’d still do anything to see you smile. I’m still here if you want to talk. I’m still here if you want to watch me do something stupid. I’m still here if you need a hug. I’m still here if you need silent company. I’m still here if you need someone to shout at. I’m still here if you need to vent.
But you know what, I’m not going to wait for you like I’ve done before. I’m going to live my life because I deserve to be happy and smile, instead of worrying about your mood swings and the chance of being forgiven today. I’m going to wake up everyday, or maybe most days and just call you at some point of the day. If you answer, it’ll be great. If you don’t, that’s fine. If you call back, I’ll pick up. If you don’t, I won’t think twice about it.
I’d like us to be okay at the end; as always, the ball is in your court. Whenever you are ready – I’m not going anywhere.